I never venture out on or any day around Black Friday. It’s not that I’m all ‘anti big business’ or whatever. I’m just anti crazy people, mostly. I have no desire to risk catching a manslaughter charge over a 75% off pair of ugly boots. Because that’s what would happen if I was into huge savings and ugly boots.
Instead, the kid and I stayed home, slept in late, and are currently partaking in an engrossing SpongeBob SquarePants marathon.
Also, we had the most interesting conversation over breakfast this morning that I really think I screwed up. Seven year olds are inherently curious creatures and sometimes they ask questions out of the clear blue that really put you on the spot. I fumbled over the right words and I’m afraid I sounded too much like a bumbling idiot with my answers for him to ever take me seriously now. Oh well? Permanent damage there, MOVING ON.
It all started with a glass of milk.
“Milk is made from cows, isn’t it mom?” he asked innocently enough.
“Well no, it’s not MADE from cows, this milk COMES from cows. As in, they produce it.”
“Oh…what does produce mean?”
“It means they make it. Mama cows. They make it.” I could already see where this was going.
“How do they make it?”
“Well, when mama cows have babies, they produce milk for the calves to drink.”
“…And then people take some of it for humans to drink too?”
“Oh…do human moms make milk for their babies too?”
“Where does it come from?”
“OH uh, well, it comes out of their…it comes from…their breasts…” I said with reasonable hesitation. Wow, I thought to myself, I chose the word ‘breasts’ because I wanted to give him an accurate, mature-ish answer they way I figured most parents would. But I knew he was going to ask…
“What are breasts?” I can tell you right now it sounds so weird to hear a 7 year old boy say the word ‘breasts’. So I had to use terms that I knew he was familiar with.
“Their boobs. It comes out of their boobs.”
“OH LOL BOOBIES. THAT’S FUNNY. LOLOLOLOL.”
Yeah. Boobs he understands, and now he knows a cool new term for the word boobies that he will undoubtedly tell my parents about later. The lesson I learned: When you’re 7, everything regarding boobs is funny and explaining their purpose with proper terms will not keep the conversation from derailing into a gigglefest.
At least I didn’t scare him away from drinking milk ever again. I win?